Chalk and Cheese Chronicles

Sea-Monkeys are Awesome First Pets

Dog.

Pool.

Stairs.

These are the Top 3 items on my kids' list of the things they want. I had the same items on my list as a child.

I never got the stairs or the pool but the dog came, although many, many years after I first started begging my parents for one.

I'm not of the "I never had that as a child, so why should you?" style of thinking. I'm more of the "I want you to have what I never had,"  parenting style. It's just that now is not the right time for a dog, a pool, or stairs. The dog? Well, maybe someday.

In the meantime, we've got a vibrant colony of Sea-Monkeys! I know, it's not a dog, but Sea-Monkeys make awesome first pets!

My last experience with Sea Monkeys was a disaster. My friend Owen had asked me, his trusted friend and co-worker, to watch over his tank full of Sea-Monkeys in my cube while he was away for a few days.

Things were going well and I was on my way to being the best pet sitter evah - that is, until I dropped them.

It happened in seconds, the rush of water, the panic, the helplessness I felt as nearly the entire population of Owen's Sea-Monkeys went plummeting into my cubicle carpeting. I swear I saw one trapped in a water bubble, giving me the evil eye and hurling curses my way as he sank into the thirsty carpet and vanished.

Oh, the trauma! Then I lied - I lied! - to Owen, shrugging my shoulders at the noticeable decline in Sea-Monkey population. I'd refilled the tiny tank with bottled water, hoping the frisky Sea-Monkey would repopulate before Owen returned.

It wasn't until much later, that I confessed. Not sure if Owen ever forgave me.

So now, here we are with our own Sea-Monkeys. They make me nervous. Where to put them, so they'll be safe? We might knock them over here, we might knock them over there. It's too cold the corner, it's too hot on the windowsill. So much worry.

They're a month old now, our Sea-Monkeys. They were a Christmas present to my son, who is 7. "Look, guys," I said to the newly hatched Sea-Monkeys, "There's your dad!" (knee-slap!) I pointed to my son who looked at me, rolled his eyes and said, "And there's your grandma!"

They were barely visible to the naked eye a month ago, but now there are about a dozen big ones, most of whom have paired up with a mate. Together, they perform water acrobatics through the water, like an x-rated underwater game of crack the whip. There are many mamas-to-be in our tank.

Not a single one of our Sea-Monkeys looks human, or even alien, as they are marketed to look. I think it's a rite of passage to feel that twinge of disappointment when kids realize their Sea-Monkeys' do not carry tridents or play checkers or wear clothes.

Just think, I've given my boys fodder to answer the oft-asked, online security question: What was your first pet? Sea-Monkeys! Isn't that awesome? Now maybe we should give our Sea-Monkeys names, because sometimes, the security question asks, "Name of first pet?"

So the dog, the pool, the stairs still remain on my kids' list of what they most desire. At least now, we've bought ourselves a little time. Sea-Monkeys are more like rock crystal growing kit than they are a dog, but I'm thinking we'll give our Sea-Monkeys canine names, like Marey and Gizmo and Bear.

 

 

 

 

My Discount Shopping FAIL

I go on a Target run at least 2-3 times a month. I buy staples such as toilet paper and cleaning supplies (mostly Method Products). In the background of all my Target runs, I'm vaguely aware of the extreme couponing craze.

The extreme couponers have great tips to share, but they mostly apply to stores I don't frequent such as Walgreens, Walmart, and conventional grocery stores and for items I don't normally buy (like mascara and Ritz crackers). I do know how to shop the sales and use coupons at Whole Foods, it's not terribly complicated there, and doesn't require a five inch binder filled with coupons but I realize it's a much more expensive place to shop. My grocery bill at Whole Foods/Trader Joes/Target has never been five dollars, like the ladies in the coupon videos. Well, unless you count the times I bought just one item.

Since I do shop regularly at Target, I watched with interest as the extreme couponers pushed their carts through Target for their You Tube viewers. They knew their stuff. They knew average prices, they knew how to stack coupons  - there were just so many ways to bring down that grand total close to zero. And if something wasn't on sale, they didn't buy it.

Twice now, I've printed out a handful of Target coupons and even used them. Look for the unadvertised five dollar gift card with purchase deals, the experts said, about Target. So one day, I saw one! It was for toothpaste and we needed toothpaste. I think it said, buy three twin packs of Crest Pro-Health at the sale price, and receive a five dollar gift card.

I glanced at the tantalizing savings sign. "I'll do it!" I beamed, grabbing the boxes from the shelf.

When I got home, I broke open a box of my new toothpaste and put the rest into the my tiny hall closet. I had my first little stockpile of sale items, yay me!

As I was enjoying the high of my first thrify savings, I noticed that I was constantly having to wipe up the gooey mess that oozed from the hard to close cap of my new toothpaste. It was all over the drawer and the bathroom counter. The toothpaste was soft like a slushy. When I later opened a second tube, the same thing happened, an ooey-gooey minty mess.

I need to Google this, I said. So I did and lo and behold, the online reviews for the entire line of Crest Pro-Health products were horrible. Customers had the same complaint as I about the toothpaste, namely, that it was terribly gooey. Some even noticed a dark discoloration on their teeth. Some of the reviews were downright scary.

Prior to all that, this is how much thought I'd ever given Crest toothpaste (when I'm not buying Tom's or Rembrandt or Colgate): A Crest is a Crest is a Crest. Well shame on me then because a Crest is a Crest except when it's Crest Pro-Health. Then it's just a mess.

Some of the review comments said they'd just tossed their unused tubes of Crest Pro-Health. So I did the same and tossed out all four remaining tubes, gift card be damned.

Clearly, my first foray into discount shopping was a failure. I knew that to follow these expert couponers would be to veer outside my usual shopping realm. I thought I'd make a small effort to trim my spending at one store only, at Target. That's what I still intend to do, but I realize I can't always let the promise of savings steer me to products I don't normally use without doing a bit of research first, especially when buying in bulk.

Even if I could get a lifetime supply of Crest Pro-Health for free, I wouldn't have it. Free isn't free when you're spending time cleaning up a toothpate mess, or when you're staring in the mirror at at your darkened teeth (mine look a bit darker).

I think I'll try to remember to clip Target coupons, but I'll never be an extreme coupon kind of shopper. I just don't have it in me. I don't like having to do the work upfront (all that clipping and organizing, etc) and I don't generally shop at the kind of stores which offer coupons. 

But Savvy.com - oh. my. God. Easy peasy savings for lazy me. Why should I spend my time clipping coupons when I can let this handy shopping app do the work for me? It's not about grocery store savings or drugstore savings, but it watches the purchases I make at my favorite stores like REI, JCrew and Williams-Sonoma and gives me savings by way of a gift card! It's a purchase protection plan. Now this I like, and if I can save money somewhere, while having fun then hey, I'm happy.

Raising Brave Irenes

There are no Brave Irene costumes for sale at the Disney store. There are no little girls dressed in a hodgepodge of old drab winter clothes carrying around large cardbox boxes and exclaiming, "I'm Brave Irene!" In an era where pretty in pink trumps a bookworm, there's little chance that young girls will spend their pretend time imagining they're Brave Irene.

That's because the story of Brave Irene focuses on what this brave little girl does, and not on how she looks. Written and illustrated by William Steig (he of Sylvester and the Magic Pebble, a childhood favorite of mine), the adventurous story of Brave Irene is one of fortitude and determination and independence.

Brave Irene is a bit of a fairytale, in that it thrusts its young main character into a precarious situation, alone. Irene Bobbin, whose mother is a dressmaker, learns that her mother is too ill to deliver the beautiful gown she's just sewn for the duchess to wear to a ball that night.

Undeterred, Irene resolves to deliver the gown to the duchess by herself while her sick mother stays home in bed. So out into the freezing winter landscape goes Irene, clutching the package containing the exquisite gown. 

The journey is not easy. Snowflakes are falling. It is cold. A fierce wind blows the dress right out of the package. Clutching the now empty box, Irene tumbles and falls, twisting her ankle. The weather worsens. Yet the strong willed Irene trudges on through the deepening snow. Finally, as night falls, a weary Irene sees the palace in the distance, its lights all aglow, the ball about to begin. Irene knows she has almost made it but how will she explain the missing gown, made wayward by the angry wind? But she has not time to think before she falls off a little cliff and gets stuck once more in the snow.

The journey seems like a miserable failure, a tale gone horribly wrong but then plucky Irene manages to free herself from the snowbank! Using the box as a sled, she slides down the snow covered hill, the wind chasing her, and arrives at the palace doorstep, without the gown, but with herself intact. Irene frets about how she will explain the missing gown to the duchess. Such bad news to break... and then, there pinned to a nearby tree by the wind, Irene spies the missing ball gown.

She is warmly welcomed by an appreciative and incredulous duchess and her cheering servants. Irene tells her tale and then explains that she must get back to her sick mother at once. No, says the duchess, stay here, stay warm and have a nice supper and we will bring you back by sleigh the next morning.

The duchess and her guests go on to have a fabulous ball, with Irene invited to join them as a special guest. The folowing morning, they drive Irene back home by horse drawn sleigh and plop her into the waiting arms of her very worried mother. 

Along with gifts of candy and cake, is a note from the duchess, saying that Irene is a brave and loving person.

So go read Brave Irene to your children. I can tell you that through the entire story, I did not really focus on what it was Irene was wearing (oh, a scarf, a coat, tights, boots, a skirt in the drab, practical style of a frontier girl, say) but I can tell you all the things that Irene did.

You can discuss the story of Brave Irene with your children. Point out the many times it seemed as if Irene might have just given up but didn't. Point out some of the words your young kids might not know, amusing words such as "yodeled" and what the author meant when he wrote, "...the wind yodeled." There are rich vocabularly words in Brave Irene - pick them out and have fun with it. Discuss how Irene might have felt being alone in the snow. Explain to your children what it means to set a goal. What were Irene's goals? You can even dig further and explore class differences (Irene and her dressmaker mom versus the duchess and the upper class) in history.

Irene Bobbin is more of a heroine to me than any Disney princess (ok, well, I do like Belle and her love of books). Those princesses may have their pink gowns, but Irene wears bravery like royalty.

Let's celebrate more of what our children do, and not what they wear or how they look.

 ------

I was given the CD/book set Brave Irene to review. I thought I might use this as an opportunity to promote a book with a valuable message particularly to girls in this era of gender stereotyping. As we'd already had the book in our library, and we'd once rented the audio CD, this new CD/book set will be donated to our school library. The audio CD is performed by the inimitable Meryl Streep, whose interpretation of this book will have your children absolutely mesmerized.

 

 

I Make Trouble for the School Office Lady

Somebody is always getting their hands slapped at school. It's not either of my kids, as you might expect.

It's me.

I don't do it on purpose, but I always get caught doing something I shouldn't. 

The first time it happened, I think I had my hand reaching over the counter, trying to fetch a pen. I hadn't realized the flower pot on the counter was actually full of pens whose ends were attached to fake flowers.

I thought they flowers.

The second time it happened, I had walked my sons, my visiting niece and my tiny visiting fur nephew over, just to ask a question. We were all smiles, mouths full of summer popsicles, a tiny leashed dog at our side.

He can't be here, she said, sternly, eyeing our dog. He is not allowed here.

It had been a short trespass, from the sidewalk to this place, which, on weekends and after hours is indeed the stomping grounds to many a neighborhood dog.

I thought it would be ok. Actually, I hadn't even thought about it.

Another time and another time still, I'd forgotten to get an excuse note, from the dentist, from the pediatrician and we had inadvertently tried to slip back in without official papers. This is a pattern I keep repeating.

The one time I had to pee while there, I'd chosen the wrong restroom. There are two from which to choose, one for kids and one for adults. I had a 50-50 chance and I chose wrong. Of course I did. Embarrassing.

I get the sign in/sign out binder confused with the other binder that's always there. It is a terrifying choice to have to make.

My biggest blunder occurred in the cafeteria. Someone had asked me to warm up a dish for a party we were having. So I headed to the tiny, empty cafeteria kitchen and placed the dish in the microwave. Just as I did, footsteps approached and a voice pleaded, "No, no, no, not there, please don't use that one." I was to use the microwave in the staff room, the voice instructed, after I'd stared back blankly, and asked the proper place to go. Yes, the staff room. I should have known.

These are just a few of the blunders I've committed. I know the list will grow through the years. It's a learn-as-I-go process. I'm sure when my kids are in, say, 5th grade and I arrive to help out at the school fundraising event, I'll do something wrong like move boxes to the wrong location or wear my badge on the wrong side.

I'm like that, you see, the mom who is the bane of the school office lady. I swear I don't try to do everything wrong, it just happens.

Still, I go back for more, volunteering in class and all that, mindful that my every step could lead to another reprimand.

I exasperate the schoool office lady, but I assure you, it's not on purpose!

 

 

 

The Second Grade Book Exchange

Sometimes, I do not set the best parenting example. My son received a book during his second grade classroom's holiday book exchange. It was a board book. A search and find board book, the type my kids might have had when they were toddlers.

What he received:

The only rule for the gift exchange was that books had to be under 5 dollars. We headed over to Hicklebees and bought paperbacks for $4.99. My sons picked a book from the "Franny K. Stein" series which they thought would work for both boys and girls.

I was impressed. Here was a story about a GIRL with an independent streak who makes potions and likes bugs!

My boys picked out this book, my boys.

What we gave:

Book exchanges are challenging because the book's recipient is a mystery. What they like to read, what they've already read and what they're capable of reading is an unknown.

So I thought this book would be perfect, it shows a girl doing something. And she's not playing with dolls or putting on makeup either.

We put a lot of thought into purchasing this book, but then again, we are book people. We love to read.

When my son came home with the bargain bin (it had the Big Lots clearance sticker on it) Search and Find: Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall book, I just couldn't help but be disappointed. There are plenty of quality books out there for less than five dollars.

My other son came home with a Magic Treehouse book which we already had but which is a safe bet for this age group.

When I saw the Search and Find board book, I was disappointed. I snapped, "Give it to someone else in your class." I wanted people to know that he'd gotten a crappy gift.  I wanted to shout to the other mom, "Hello! There are 8 and even 9-year-olds, not toddlers!" Heck, even the classic Goodnight Moon with its beautiful words and illustrations would have been a better choice.

My son, on the other hand, managed to keep his disappointment at bay. He didn't let it show in class, which is hard to do when you're seven. He told me, "Mom, I can't bring the book back, that would embarrass the girl who gave it to me."

Well, yeah. That's the point.

I was modeling some very bad parenting behavior and my son was having none of it. He got a crappy book and that was that. He'd moved on.

I won't even re-gift the book, it's so bad.

I might not be proud of my behavior but I am proud of my son. Even when I gave him license to complain about the book, he didn't.

We talked about gifts and appreciation yada yada but when Christmas came, the boy twice was unable to mask his disappointment (shoes! a finger printing kit to share with my brother!) so clearly, there's still work to be done.

Still, if you're thinking of giving a search and find board book to a typically developing second grader, don't do it. Opt for a Magic Treehouse book instead.