Somebody is always getting their hands slapped at school. It's not either of my kids, as you might expect.
It's me.
I don't do it on purpose, but I always get caught doing something I shouldn't.
The first time it happened, I think I had my hand reaching over the counter, trying to fetch a pen. I hadn't realized the flower pot on the counter was actually full of pens whose ends were attached to fake flowers.
I thought they flowers.
The second time it happened, I had walked my sons, my visiting niece and my tiny visiting fur nephew over, just to ask a question. We were all smiles, mouths full of summer popsicles, a tiny leashed dog at our side.
He can't be here, she said, sternly, eyeing our dog. He is not allowed here.
It had been a short trespass, from the sidewalk to this place, which, on weekends and after hours is indeed the stomping grounds to many a neighborhood dog.
I thought it would be ok. Actually, I hadn't even thought about it.
Another time and another time still, I'd forgotten to get an excuse note, from the dentist, from the pediatrician and we had inadvertently tried to slip back in without official papers. This is a pattern I keep repeating.
The one time I had to pee while there, I'd chosen the wrong restroom. There are two from which to choose, one for kids and one for adults. I had a 50-50 chance and I chose wrong. Of course I did. Embarrassing.
I get the sign in/sign out binder confused with the other binder that's always there. It is a terrifying choice to have to make.
My biggest blunder occurred in the cafeteria. Someone had asked me to warm up a dish for a party we were having. So I headed to the tiny, empty cafeteria kitchen and placed the dish in the microwave. Just as I did, footsteps approached and a voice pleaded, "No, no, no, not there, please don't use that one." I was to use the microwave in the staff room, the voice instructed, after I'd stared back blankly, and asked the proper place to go. Yes, the staff room. I should have known.
These are just a few of the blunders I've committed. I know the list will grow through the years. It's a learn-as-I-go process. I'm sure when my kids are in, say, 5th grade and I arrive to help out at the school fundraising event, I'll do something wrong like move boxes to the wrong location or wear my badge on the wrong side.
I'm like that, you see, the mom who is the bane of the school office lady. I swear I don't try to do everything wrong, it just happens.
Still, I go back for more, volunteering in class and all that, mindful that my every step could lead to another reprimand.
I exasperate the schoool office lady, but I assure you, it's not on purpose!
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